Consent with the Pup CommunityJune 13, 2017 3 By Alpha Dog Chomper
Consent is a hot topic of the pup community and the kink community in general. Respect goes a long way and being able to respect someone’s boundaries only can make situations less stressful and social events more amazing than what they are. How do you make the most out of a negative situation though? How do you say no to someone and make it upfront that you don’t want them to do something to you? How do you do this in a way that is not demeaning and insulting? As someone who is trying to get consent, how do you take no as an answer? Consent is sexy and being able to have open communication within a social environment will take you to new places that you have never imagined before.
How do you make the most out of a negative situation? Let’s be honest, getting a no answer or telling someone off in public is extremely uncomfortable. Especially when it the result seems insulting, but the easiest way to take the response is with a grain of salt. At a kink event, getting the answer no is okay. You may not know the reasoning why someone doesn’t want to be in a mosh with you or someone doesn’t want to get bitten by you…etc. The person may be having a bad day, the person could be going through something person. They could even be sick and just want to make sure no one else gets sick from them. These are all respectable choices so do not be offended by this. However, sometimes the response can come across as insulting. The best way to handle this is to walk away from the situation before it can get even more fuming. It takes a real adult to walk away from a situation rather than become a child and start arguing, because you didn’t get what you wanted.
Now that we know how to address a turndown and a negative situation…how do you say no to someone? This is actually a lot easier than it seems. Be respectful and make it very upfront and honest. Do not lie to someone about why you can’t do something with someone. Honesty goes a long way, but you need to be kind about it. For example, a puppy approaches you at a mosh and asks to have some privacy in his room for a private mosh. You start a conversation and you know this puppy is collared to someone who has an issue with your handler and there is a conflict of interest that he is not aware of. The easiest way is to say, “I’m sorry, but I cannot do anything with you without the permission of my handler”. This is a totally acceptable way to respond to this. There are hundreds of scenarios that cannot be tailored to answer, but the best thing to keep in mind is honesty and being polite.
How can you avoid being insulting during asking for consent or being turned down? This is also easy, everyone is entitled to their own opinion, so understand that you can get turned down at any time and there is nothing wrong with this. Keep this in the back of your mind when it happens, ‘they don’t know what they are missing out on’. This is a great way to feel confident in yourself and be humble about it. Do not verbalize yourself to sound cocky, but be humble about this. People have preferences and you as an individual have preferences, be respectful of what people like.
Being turned down for play is probably one of the worst feelings on earth. However, you need to respect another person’s honesty and be able to accept no for an answer. People have boundaries, maybe they are not comfortable for not knowing you, maybe they have kennel cough, and maybe they are down on themselves. Be respectful to what someone has to say even if it insulting. It takes a true adult pup to trot away from a negative situation than bark and nip at the person for being insulting. Be the bigger puppy and move on, the person probably isn’t worth your time and there is no reason to get one last insult in before you trot on. The key phrase here is ‘be the bigger pup’.
The biggest takeaway from this is that consent is sexy. It takes a lot of confidence to ask someone for some play, but if you are turned down, it takes a lot more to be able to walk away from it with a positive attitude. Why is consent sexy? How would you feel if someone came up to you and assaulted you? You would feel violated; you would feel ashamed and have a lot of mixed emotions most likely. Think before you act and always ask for consent, respect goes a long way and others will look up to you for doing it. Not asking for consent is a criminal action and is highly frowned upon. If you want to feel welcome within the community you ask for consent before you touch someone, before you bite someone, before you do something that could crucially question your sense of morale. Even though we may be human pups, we are still human. Be respectful and have manners, people will see that and see you in a respectable way.
Trot on loud and proud!
About The Author
Pup Chomper is our current Mr. Wisconsin Leather 2017 and competed at IML 39. Chomper is an aggressively protective and fun loving Pit Bull who is proudly collared to Sir Olaf. Chomper is the president of the board of directors for the Road Otters and works closely with at risk youth. Chomper is a survivor of suicide and is an advocate for prevention and awareness. He is a photographer for his own business in kink photography as well as a photographer for Instigator Magazine based out of LA. Chomper loves frozen raspberries, flags hounds tooth and believes consent is sexy. Chomper will always choose the path less traveled, because squirrels are more notably found there… *SQUIRREL*