Ageism in the Puppy community – I’m not talking about relationships here – How prevalent is it? If you are younger do you have someone that is older and a mentor? Are you willing to even look to someone older/younger for advice?
LM: As someone who is younger than 21, getting my paw in the door of the Pup community was hard as fuck. I had to know all of the right people to even really know much about it at all. This is mainly because a lot of pup spaces and moshes and the like are all in bars, thus making it impossible for young pups to get involved.
PR: LM So how can we reach out to the under 21’s? Legally we can’t go below 18 but I know a lot in that range, what would have helped you?
LM: Honestly, I’m not sure of a paw-sible solution. It may just be an unfortunate side efffect of the pup community, which is sad because that means a lot of possible pups will be cut from the community due to rejection.
BS: As a furry when I was that age we had alot of fur meets our typical gig was Wed all meet at a the local bowling alley, do a few games then go to dennys or Baker’s square for group dinner. During the summer it might be dinner then going to a local park. This is also ironically what we did in the goth sub c. Back then. Like it’s really not that hard to socialize, driving/getting there s the hard part as a young person, as an older person (35now) it’s time and energy.
DB: Our PAH does non-bar events which we have our under 21 PAH members show up to. In nicer weather we do park meetups, camping trips, bbqs, beach days, and we also do events at private residences. You just have to be creative.
AS: My current mentor/handler is alot older then i am, i am fine with age, also wouldnt mind younger ether
TM: Age for me has never been a huge deal. My original Daddy was two years younger than me, my current Alpha is the same age. And the people I respect the most are older. But a pup can learn from any age of handler, or even other pups
KK: I see a lot of it the other direction. I’m too old to be a pup…stand back and let the younger pups do stuff.
MC: From my experience, age can be a giant factor because so many of us grant experience to age without knowing details. I have two pup’s of my own, 12 and 15 years older than me. We all have our unique experiences we bring, and actually mentor each other with those experiences. Outside of collars, I have my own little circle of pups that go from age 21 to age 48, and do whatever we can for each other. Outside of that circle, we are all always willing to be a mentor/guide for other pups of all ages. In regards to the first comment on this thread, when someone not of an age to get into a bar messages me, I do what I can to meet them and get an idea of what they need. I make it a point to be as accessible as possible for anyone curious about pup, I’m not an expert but always share what I know and connect people to those that have similar interests. Regardless of age we should be there to support whenever possible. Thus, I see ageism in the community, but try my best to be there for those that experience it.
KV: I also have a pup of my own, about 15 years younger than me, who reached out to me through this group and asked me to mentor him, distance has made it difficult, but we learn and grow together and I encourage him to learn from others and have worked with pups and handlers and folks who live closer to him to assist in teaching him and giving him an outlet. I also have a friend locally, about 10 years younger, who is a pup and we support each other, teach each other and share resources when we find them. Age is a non-issue for me, other than my body telling me I can’t or shouldn’t do some things younger pups can. I’m 36, my pup is 22, my other pup friend who lives near me is 26 or 27. I adore Papa Woof Roth and Tripp Hutchings and others who are not only older but have been here in this community longer than I. But also, I have learned a great deal from you all and you are all different ages, genders, identities, sexualities, races and religions but all puppy or supportive of puppy. Thank you for making me and my pack feel welcome and helping us when we needed it. That is what community is. Let’s work together to help everyone feel the same.
JD: I’m 52. Yes it is present sometimes. Most of the time I feel very welcomed, even though most pups seem to be in their twenties. And Yes, my Alpha, in the mentor sense, Pup Tarot/Will Boyd is a good bit younger than me.
AD: I fall in the middle of the spectrum I guess, since I just turned 30 this year and have been involved in the pup community for 4, almost 5 years, now. A lot of people mention ageism as though it only goes one way (up), but it can definitely be a problem for everyone. When I first came onto the leather scene (in Michigan), I was labeled a twink, a f**kboy, and was shunned by enough leathermen to make it apparent that my presence wasn’t welcome, largely due to my age and not adhering to their pre-determined expectations of how a leather boy should look. I would say these issues are usually more present in the leather community, which likes to pride itself on having a strange, rigid, archaic set of rules (see: Old Guard) than in the Pup community, but the two often share a lot of space, and like any form of prejudice, it obviously can rear its head anywhere. Oh, and my pup mentor was younger than me!
AB: I’m with someone older and I will ask anyone for advice, regardless of age.
PS: My alpha pup is my age, technically 2 years younger but I consider us the same age. I woukd take advice from someone if any age as long as they seem to know what they’re talking about
JD: Also I’m Alpha, again in the mentor sense, to Pup NB, who is in his early twenties and a senior in college. My boyfriend, is about to turn 24, so there’s a lot of young’uns in my life!!!
ZG: Ageism is a gay wide thing, not just in pups. I am 41 and I face it because I am not some hot young thing swinging from a cock 24/7. As I have grown, I prefer to be around older gays because they have more experience and enough brains to know what they are doing and do it right. Most twinks I have met could hump a crack in the sidewalk and blow in 30 seconds
DE: I think like you in the sense that I prefer much older and more experienced partners. but I’m 21. I am quite mature for my age though.
NG: Everyone has experience, not everyone has experienced the same thing. We all have something to share and at the same time we all need to listen. Age doesn’t matter. My Sir and my partner are both over 40, but they know things I don’t and vice versa. People need to get over something so petty and be a little more inclusive. It’s bad enough we’re a sub section of a sub section of a community and we’re hurting ourselves by doing stuff like this.
SE: I’m 46 and learning from all ages. Good advice doesn’t depend on age.
MS: I tend to struggle with it if I’m interacting with them on the internet.
GS: I see ageism but it goes both ways. On one hand theres the younger pups looking down on older people. That has always existed and always will. Its a generational thing. However pups are very accepting and i know very few who are not welcoming to all ages in the community. However i have also seen a lot of snobby old men especially in the bdsm and leather communities who think they are so wise and smart and simply better just because of age. Age does not directly equal intelligence nor wisdom. I am every bit an adult at 23 as you are at 60. I pay my bills. I have a solid job, a career path etc. But the older generation still for some reason considers us kids and it is highly insulting. We dont tend to want to listen to advice from those who look down on us as lesser. This i see a LOT more of.
BU: We can all learn something from one another, no matter what age. My packmate and I have learned a lot about pup play from our trainer/Alpha (who happens to be a bit older than us), but we have had more experience in other areas…we try and be mentors for each other. It’s sad to see ageism from both younger and older men – it hurts our community and limits how much we can learn from one another.
WR: our issue with ageism is that the few events we know of in Atlanta are in venues that are 21+. My pup is 19.
TH: I’ve noticed it less in the puppy community than I have in the broader community. And I’ve seen it go both ways.
CI: When I was first becoming a pup, and even now too, I really look to pup friends my age and older for support. As for my Sir’s and my age difference, it’s twelve, which works well. Overall, I’ve yet to personally experience too much ageism in our community. However, I can see where pups under 21 may have a bit of a difficult time since so many events are at bars and such
BM: Ageism isn’t as prevalent as I thought it would be in the pup community. I’m 40 and I still get down and mosh with the best of them.
YW: From local community there seems to be more elder mentor, care giver and younger boi/pup. But I think that it’s a more demographic thing and nature of the role play. As for myself, I usually seek advice from those that have more experience in community than me regard less of age. But I tend to sit in a mix crowd with most people partnered in some way. It make me feel safer. Also with a mix group there usually seems to be few conversations going so I can pick one easier for me to follow and not feeling left out.