Having Multiple Pups

June 5, 2017
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Community Articles

 Something I have been seeing more are those that want a pack and can't even take care of themselves. So you want to have multiple pups, boys, betas, whatever. What are some important things someone in a multiple relationship like that should be or should do to ensure things stay healthy for all involved?

[box] SW: Honestly the best 2 are communicating and time management skills! But the biggest is communication, all parties need to be in the loop, and on board with things If not then further communication is needed to figure out how to get everyone on board with things. [/box]
[box] MH: I completely agree with communication. I made a calendar for my pack, so everyone knows what's going on in each others lives and makes it easy to schedule pack time. Also honesty is very important. Make sure you are talking to each other and everyone is onboard with what's going on. [/box]
[box] JS: Make sure your primary relationship is healthy and stable before trying to add another to the mix. Plus, communication between all parties involved. [/box]
[box] BS: Without communication and total honesty it will fall apart [/box]
[box] JP: Especially if you are the Dom, Alpha, Handler, etc, it's important to make sure you have the time, energy, desire, and ability to meet the needs of any you are taking under your wing whether it be 1 or 20. This includes mental and emotional needs, not just physical. Too often it seems pups want so badly to belong that they will jump in headfirst. Too often it seems there are so called Doms or Handlers who take on too many pups/boys/etc because it boosts their ego sometimes knowing full well they don't have the time/energy to add another person or persons to their pack or family. I am a huge proponent of poly and the complex relationship dynamics that seem to be more commonplace in the kink community, but we need to be honest with ourselves. Do we really have the space in our lives for another or perhaps would we be better off staying close friends or even regular play partners? Regardless of your role in the dynamic, it's ok to say "no, this isn't working for me" or "this is what I need to make it work for me". Beyond that, honest, open communication is vital. Jealousy management, compersion and emotional awareness are also key. And it's important to remember that relationships are not static. They are ever evolving, increasingly so as more people are added to the equation. Communication is a two way street and an ongoing process. Issues that could be worked out will build into something much larger and more unmanageable if you can't/don't talk about them as they occur before they can fester. [/box]
[box] TM: Stability. Lots of pups go pack hunting or pack creating to give themselves something stable to be a part of. If your life is in turmoil don't start a pack and expect it to help out, it won't. If you're in turmoil, get help with that first, try not to bring that with you into an already chaotic situation. If turmoil and trouble are coming, ask for help but don't join a pack to force their hand. [/box]
[box] SB: Packs certainly are hard work, but can be rewarding, by what I have seen online... I would be interested in hearing what you thought was important - Papa Woof Roth. Personally I have no experience being in a pack. [/box]
[box] TH: Communication has been mentioned. But just as important is respect. and that includes self-respect, respect for others, and respect for what it takes to maintain a healthy pack. Being in or having a pack is a commitment that should never be taken lightly. [/box]
[box] TS: All individuals need to still be self-sufficient, to a point. I see often how something goes wrong, even in monogamous relationships, and one or more parties are left helpless with no means to make it on their own. [/box]
[box] BU: The ability to respect and to listen to all parties involved. [/box]
[box] JP: I agree with you 100% Being a daddy to a pack of pups and boys is hard work and it's a 24/7 job. I do what's best for them with the cards I'm dealt. I also have to delegate some responsibilities at times because I can't always be where I need to be. I can say though with total honesty that I am very proud of my family unit here and I receive no bigger compliment than when someone visits for the first time and can see and feel the love that's in my home. [/box]
[box] KH: I agree. Daddy does his best with what cards he's dealt. I grew up with no parents really and daddy has done more for me in the 1-2 years then my parents ever did. He never asks for anything in return but love and respect. I only hope I am half the man he is when im older. [/box]
[box] PT: Don't forget to add that it's not just you, but all of us. We have to do our parts as pups [/box]
[box] JP: You all have your talents that add to the synergism which is what makes it work. [/box]
[box] KA: The biggest roadblock I've noticed is managing expectations. People join a pack or family with certain expectations in mind, and sometimes forget to communicate those expectations to the rest of the pack, or those expectations are simply unrealistic. People also accept new members into their packs without clearly expressing the expectations to the new member. Suddenly you find yourself knee deep in hurt feelings and anger because no one knew what they were "supposed" to do. [/box]
[box] JP: But really and Truly the Alpha male of the pack has to have his shit together to be the lead dog ...p.w. is absolutely right and I have seen some complete basket cases pushing around a wheel barrel full of crazy that have no business trying to form a pack [/box]
[box] KA: Well, I guess that excludes me, and just about everyone I know. No one I know really has all their shit together. That's why one of the expectations for my family/pack is: We don't expect you to be perfect. We just expect you to accept that we're not perfect, and we're going to make mistakes. When that happens, we expect everyone to be willing to work through those things together. While it's not your job to fix everything, it is your job to do what you can; and not poke additional holes while other people are patching up the existing ones. [/box]
[box] JP: Having your shit together doesn't mean your perfect. It means your stable and balanced and have most of your problems in check. Crisis always happens from time to time and you can't be afraid to tackle it. I believe for the most part I have my shit together but I'm always learning and not afraid to take advice from others on how to handle something better [/box]
[box] KH: Especially with all of us pups at daddys side. Many things come up and just have to handle things as they come. There's no rulebook on life. [/box]
[box] FM: Communication, trust and honesty is the biggest key aspect. Also, setting expectations both sexual and non-sexual, same as with BDSM, every one involved should know what each persons expectations are. I like the idea of a calendar for time management, tho the pack I am in is just Daddy, Boy/Alpha and myself, pup. [/box]
[box] JA: Hmm as an alpha i help each pack member where i can and even help with homework if needed. I know i cant take on a lot because i do not have the time or resources needed to do so. Yes i am married and my husband always comes first for me and the pack knows this. If a pup is sick i take meds to the pup. I visit each pup as i get time to and plan cook outs and get togethers. I also keep in contact with each thew text every day just to see how they are doing. I trust each as my own family. [/box]
[box] RM: What I have stressed in my pack/family unit, and will continue to do, is extensive conversations BEFORE entering our family unit. To me just as important as knowing, if not MORE important than what I offer and require, is that I know what the pup/boy is looking for, needs and expects. It is a 2 way street that ALL parties involved must be in agreement. I have had several pups/boys end up not being a fit after this conversation but 2 things have consistently happened.. 1) I have earned their respect by not promising things I know I can't or chose not to do. 2) end up having them in my life as a friend or play partner because we know how to communicate. One thing that I have been seeing a lot recently is that the Daddy, Dom, Handler, Master is being talked negatively about because of how THEY do things. In my opinion we ALL need to stop being so judgmental of others. If it works within their dynamic then who is anyone else to Judge. [/box]
[box] FL: Since a month I have two pup in my life... It's true for a new handler like me that's a lot of job... But each pup know their position and what I expect from them... The most pleasure I have it's when they play together... So I have more time to take care of them... Preparing lunch or a play session with them... Now I have to include some training but I didn't know how to manage that because they're not at the same point in training... 🙁 My first one is a beginner like me but the other is so advanced.... [/box]

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