How do you pick your pup?
PA: I think the pup picks the handler
PA: Be nice and friendly, go to events… If you don’t find a handler you may find other pups and friends
RA: Well I’m a pup. But my handler I actually met at an event. I was there alone, first event, still new as a pup. He noticed I was alone and began to talk with me. Over time we formed a friendship and he taught me more about the world of pup play. Eventually he asked if I’d like to be his pup. And I agreed to it.
TO: Did it start as Alpha & Beta & move to Handler & Pup, or start directly as a Handler & Pup?
RA: Strictly handler and pup.
EF: Are “normal” relationships allowed while being a pup under a handler
TG: I think it’s common to find both models – that of a handler and pup being relationship involved, and that of a pup and handler being play involved. That seems to be a universal across L/s.
EF: I meant, are pups usually allowed to have a love-based relationship outside that of the handler-pup relationship as well
WH: That’s entirely up to you and your partner. If you both clearly communicate expectations and needs, and continue to be open, I don’t see why not.
TO: I have a partner who would let me have a handler. I even had a handler of sorts for a while. You can have your handler be your significant other or a separate relationship. It’s up to you and them.
LB: I actually met my Handler/Keeper/Sir in a vanilla setting. Went to his b-day for someone that couldn’t make it and we just sort of clicked from there. Several years later I let him know about my pup side and his response was to pat my head and say “I already knew. And you’re my good little girl!” Then scratched the under my chin.
EF: I’m also nervous about getting connected with a handler and then seeing them have other pups besides me. Id feel like I’m not worth the attention and kindness if they also get other pups
RA: We can chat about it in a few hours. I’m happy to help you out with questions in PM. Going to bed for about 4 hours right now.
LB: Honestly I’d say just approach it with the mindset of making friends and getting to know people and let things form naturally from there. There are actually several Handlers/Owners/etc out there with more than one pup and all are happy. Granted not many want a big pack/family like that. But it is something. Heck there are even packs of just pups out there. Maybe try and go to an event or two so you can meet people and ease yourself into it all.
EF: Id prefer a 1 handler 1 pup situation, don’t know how common it is. I didn’t go to any other meet ups because I don’t have anything to show I’m a pup, and secondly Im far too nervous to show up being probably too young looking to be noticed as a potential member
LB: 1/1 is a thing. For me it’s just my Handler and myself. Every pup has something to show, even if you may not think it you really do. I get being nervous. I have S.S.A.D. so new people in new places is a terrifying thought for me.
RM: I am a Handler to not one pup but four puppies and I love them all the same and they know that very well. Just because a handler has more then one pup doesn’t mean he or she cares about you any less. Think about it this way, you don’t gain a handler to gain a pack, which means more to love and more to love you back. A handler doesn’t choice the pup it’s the other way around. In some cases the pack picks the pup to join the pack. The advice I can give you is; don’t jump into anything quickly, observe your potential handler, see how the interact with people with pups n go from there
RM: Now, you know what you want, so the only thing stopping you is you
EF: How do I show I’m a pup if I’m younger looking, have no gear, and am too shy to insert myself in public meets?
JD: People often meet these days on dating apps/sites. Put out what you’re looking for; be blunt. If you don’t want to trick, say so right up front, but expect to say it again in the text conversations that follow (at least I had to a lot.) If you’re a male looking for a male Eren, try Scruff, that’s where I met my pup. (I found Recon, the obvious choice, pretty useless.) If you’re heterosexual, try Fetlife. There’s a huge presence and folks use it to organize Kink and non-Kink social events. (In fact a group from there, asked me to present on pups at one of their moshes.)
TO: As for showing your a pup, there are pup oriented hankies you can get very cheap. Also get basic gear, knee pads & gloves. All you need to do is get on the pit Mosh pads & bark. Pup is about play & headspace, not gear. Gear may help get into that headspace, & is required by pups that need it. But gear is not required by every pup.
TG: My handler/Sir and I have a deep emotional relationship. We grew out of His ownership and desire to have a pup, and my curiosity of the lifestyle aspect of it. I love Him as a father and as a Master and teacher. Being His pup is just icing on the cake.
DS: I have yet to collar a pup. I have offered collars on two occasions and with discussions, it turned out the timing was not right. It’s a mutual relationship, so it’s a two way street.
WS: I am both Pup and a Master. I met my pup in a group. We kinda just clicked from the beginning. We share the same interests and he has brought me much happiness. Me being a pup myself, I can relate to his feelings and needs. To be a good Handler or Master you had to been a pup at one time. I have never been happier.
JD: My perspective is that it’s the same as finding any significant other. But then again, I’ve put all my eggs in one basket: pup, leather, Kink, boyfriend. . . . I want one man (boy-pup) who will love me and whom I can love.
SS: I had known my Alpha/Handler casually, but it was seeing him at a Pride festival where he was flogging someone that compelled me to message him a bit. So, in a sense I picked him, but I didn’t consider myself a pup at the time. He decided shortly into our relationship to start training me as one, and it ended up being something I really fell into.